HEARTSTRINGS' HORSES (12.10.23)

Heartstrings Entertainment took full advantage of one of their newer members this past weekend when they made Arnold Saviour not only the MC of the night.

They also gave him the complicated comedic role of Solomon, the night watchman in their weekend run of ‘If Wishes were horses.’ It’s an intriguing title much like most of Heartstrings’ plays’ names: appealing, even provocative, but obtuse and ultimately, absurd, meaningless, and irrelevant to understanding the story. Saviour is an organic wit and comedian who uses every bone in his body to create a style of physical comedy that feels natural and effortlessly hilarious. As the MC he came out on the Alliance Francaise stage and didn’t just produce a few funny quips and let the show roll. He warmed up his audience with a series of short seemingly improvised skits that had us howling with laughter, his humor transcending barriers of language, culture, and community bias. Then, just as swiftly as he came on stage, he disappeared, only to reappear a few minutes later. He returned as Solomon, the sleepy night watchman whose neglect of his job led to the most consequential heist and burglary to hit the home of Immaculata.

Immaculata is the kept woman who sees her ‘keeper’, the man who pays for her flat, food, and luxury lifestyle, including three fundis, once every three months. Apparently, her lover and paymaster, Mheshimiwa (Fischer Murage) is a married man, which is why he visits Immaculata so sporadically. The story’s intrigue unfolds after we’ve met Immaculata and her staff, Solomon, the watchman, Fernand (Timothy Ndisii) and Kalundu (Angel Kioko), the house help hired to assist Immaculatah, by her paymaster to keep her content and prepared to receive him whenever he came visiting. In the first scene, Immaculata reprimands them for their laziness. Then she sleeps and the lights go off. Then come the flashlight, apparently checking if it’s clear to come in. Then someone with a black hoodie climbs through the window and proceeds to clear the living room of anything of value, including Immacuata’s expensive computer. But before he can escape, he hides, hearing Immaculata rising from her bed, and for some reason rushing to the sitting room to check her pregnancy text, which was positive. For her, it’s distressing news. Having no one to talk to about this disruptive discovery, she calls her mom and tells her It’s all overheard by the buglar who remains hidden until Imma goes back to bed. The next day, Immaculata doesn’t seem that bothered by the heist (due perhaps to poor direction) although she calls the three in and demands an accounting. Where was the watchman, and the compound manager, and the cook?

These are the same questions Mheshimiwaha asks, having just arrived. But just moments before he comes in, a strange woman arrives, unannounced and looking for a job. She is self-assured, and wants to speak with the Memsab who doesn’t care to retain her. But once the petite Regina (Bernice Kyalo) starts to inject her opinion and defend the interests of immaculata, she looks like she has a job. But once she continues offering relevant information to Mheshimiwas, the woman’s knowledge of the situation bowls him over. He quickly hires her for big bucks to supervise the household on his behalf. Her power grab is impressive, although the workers, including Immaculata are not pleased with having a spy in their midst. Mheshimiwa also has a lecherous eye for her; she tells him she cannot be bought. We know however that was nothing but a stratically-planned lie to gain more of his admiration and more into his pocket book.

When he asks her what she would do if she was given a flat by someone, she said she’d sell it to buy land and livestock. He is further impressed by her practicality and candor, little does he know that she quietly mentioned to one of her workmates that she was the buglar. It’s a line that nearly gets lost. But now we can understand how she obtained the secrets she seemed to know. But the real shocker comes when she claims Immaculata is pregnant which is true. Of course, he wants to know who dunit? It could hardly have been him. Now is when Regina comes out with great mental guns to accuse all the men and the women of cheating right and left among one another. Finally, the shocker of the play comes as Mshemiwa asks who is the women want the most, and who’s the daddy in Immaculata’s case, they all rush to embrace Solomon, the watchman! So the mystery is solved, but it’s a shocker nonetheless. [It's a story dedicated to the campaign '16 days of protest vs Gender-based violence}